... To Our Heart's Content.

Ask me anything

…To Our Heart’s Content. is a blog about the truths, loves, and pains in life that we experience. We should be loving, dancing, laughing, and living to our heart’s content. Yet, we often don’t. We settle for the have-to’s in life. We live how we’re supposed to live, or how we have been told we ought to. Like a writer, they dot the i’s and cross the t’s and are so focused on the structure, that it loses the true meaning. When we focus on how life should be lived, we lose the meaning of it.

Something

Something to get my mind off,
That has power to end the day,

Something to slip away for,
In each and every way,

Something that feels worth while,
When things don’t seem to stay,

Something that grows inside you,
A passion that will never fade,

When this something is found,
And we feel life no longer gray,

This something burns a mark,
And keeps the dark at bay,

This is when that something,
Goes deep into what it has made,

Then and only then, this something,
Finds what shall be saved.

—J.Johnson—

8 months ago

11 notes

Ponder…

I’m sitting here, alone, yet in public, and I let my mind wander…
When does it end?
When will I reach my breaking point?
Is it soon?
It feels so close, and I wonder how it wasn’t miles back.
Back when I lost my mother-in-law,
My husbands only family,
Us unable to say goodbye.
And stopped sleeping.
Became the seizure handler, too often for comfort.
Or back when I developed panic attacks,
Or started processing our excommunication,
And loss of friends.
The terrible pain that comes with watching those you love go through hell,
And I’m unable to help anyone around me,
And for once, I can’t help because I, myself, need help.
Back when…
Back when, is now.
Back when, happened all at once,
Without warning for any of it.
I ponder this as I sit in the hospital ER room.
Will this ever end?
Will my husband be okay again?
Will I be okay again?
I end my pondering with a prayer…
It ends before my daughter is able to remember any of it.